My Whole Life
by Zeea
Summary: Post(sorta) Panacea, Michael and Maria have to deal with lots of things.


Title: My Whole Life  
Author: Zia  
Disclaimer: If I owned the, I sure as hell wouldn't be waitressing  
Rating: Hard R 'cause of dark stuff  
Summary: Okay, picks up, kinda sorta half way through Panacea, but not all the stuff at Meta-chem never happened.  
Author's Note: I suck. Enjoy :) 

  
Michael looked at Maria as she walked out of the bathroom. She looked tired, worn, and pale. He was worried about her. He shouldn't be. She made it clear that it was over between them. But ever since she got back from New York she just looked like sh-t.

Maria swayed and grabbed the lockers before slipping down to her knees and pressing her face against the cool metal.

Michael abandoned the stove and rushed to her side. "Maria?" She was covered in sweat. Michael pushed her hair back from her face and pulled her against his chest. That's when he noticed her swollen stomach. She was- "Max!" Michael yelled cradling her in his arms.

Max and Isabel ran into the back room and saw Maria's eyes fluttering open and shoving Michael away from her. "Get off me!" She screamed at Michael as she struggled to get up. Michael stood up and then pulled her to her feet.

Michael stood up and then pulled Maria to her feet. Quickly she jerked away from him and ran out of the Crashdown.

Michael stared after her in shock. He got flashes when he grabbed her hand and pulled her up. Of the two of them the night she came and told him about the demo. Of her in New York singing. Of her sitting in a hotel room with Billy talking and laughing. Then of them in the shower.

She was pregnant. He saw that too, or rather, he felt it. A tiny life growing inside of her swollen belly.

"What just happened?" Isabel asked but Michael didn't answer just ran out after Maria. Was the baby his or Billy's?

He got to her house, the curtains were all closed, and when he knocked he got no response. Michael made his way around to the back and looked through the back door and saw the back of her head, she was sitting on the couch.

The door was lock but he let himself inside quietly. He walked through the dinning room and into the living room and saw her sitting Indian style in the dark room. "Maria?"

"Get out." Her voice cracked and it sounded like she'd been crying.

Sitting down beside her Michael looked at her hands in her lap. "Not until you tell me who's kid that is."

"He's not yours."

"So was it good with him?"

Maria let out a quiet sob and shook her head. That's when Michael noticed the blood on the front of her uniform. "Maria?" Michael asked panicked and grabbed her hands.

Yanking her arms away he saw the razor blade in one hand, and a cut across her other wrist. Michael wrapped his fingers around her tiny wrist and focused everything on healing her.

As he healed her he got more flashes of her and Billy. Maria in the shower, yelling at Billy as he came towards her. Maria trying to shove Billy off her. Her head hanging at an odd angle, watching blood flow down the drain with the water, her mind for an instant flashing to a scene in Psycho, half unconscious as Billy violated her body and soul.

Michael dropped her wrist and he focused on her face and saw the tears rolling down her cheeks unchecked. Slowly he reached up and wiped them away. "I'm pregnant Michael." She whispered and he nodded.

Michael moved to sit beside her and slid his arm around her shoulders gently. "I know."

"You should go."

"I'm not leaving you."

"But-"

"Maria. For two years I pushed you away, but you never left me. Now I'm going to return the favor." Maria let out a quiet sob and buried her face in his chest while Michael gently combed his fingers through her hair to try and calm her. But in the back of his mind he was plotting how to murder Billy and get away with it.

"Michael?" Maria's voice was quiet and muffled by his shirt.

"I don't want people to know what happened to me"

"They won't." She pulled back a little to look up at him.

"Your child is mine." He said softly and Maria looked at him confused.

"What?"

"As far as I'm concerned, that child you're carrying. It's mine. If that's okay with you. I'll take complete responsibility."

"Michael" Maria threw her arms around Michael's shoulders and held him tight. "Thank you." She whispered.

[b]Part Two[/b]

Amy walked into her house, finally home after being all over the country for the last month. She talked to Maria a lot but hadn't seen her more than five seconds when they were both in New York. Herself for a convention, and Maria for her demo. She was so proud of her daughter. But she swore she saw Michael. But he was some pierced and tattooed punk so of course it wasn't home.

Amy opened her mouth to call out for her daughter but didn't have to because she found her daughter instantly. Laying on the couch in Michael's arms. Maria was asleep, and Michael was awake, watching her carefully. His fingers were on her stomach, but something was off. Maria's stomach was- "Oh my god!" Amy shrieked She dropped her suitcase and rushed to the couch and hit Michael in the head with her purse.

Both Michael and Maria sat up quickly. "Mom calm down!"

"Don't tell me to calm down Maria! You You're"

"Pregnant?"

"Oh my god." Amy nearly fainted.

"Mom"

"Mrs. DeLuca It's my fault."

"It's no ones fault Michael." Maria said softly squeezing his hand. "We had sex mom. We weren't as careful as we should have been. And now I'm pregnant."

"And what are you planning to do about it?"

"We're keeping it."

"Getting married?" Amy raised an eyebrow.

"No." Maria whispered.

"Yes." Michael said louder. Maria and Amy looked at him quickly; both of their faces sharing the same shocked look.

"What?" Maria asked looking at him. He wanted to marry her?

"This is my responsibility Maria. We'll get married."

"Don't do this. I mean don't do this just because of the baby. We don't have to be married."

"I want to." He told her softly stroking his thumb over her stomach.

Amy watched the scene in front of her, touched by Michael's caring nature. Something she had never expected. "Well I guess it's settled. Maria will you be moving in with him?" Amy asked sitting down in a chair.

Maria looked at Michael again. It was all up to him. He could take this as far as he wanted. Because the truth was, it wasn't his responsibility. He didn't have to be here, he didn't have to do any of it. "Well if we're getting married I guess it would make sense to do it."

"I guess it's settled then. I'll be out of the house tomorrow." Maria said quietly looking down at her hands in her lap.

"Michael? Could you excuse us?" Amy asked getting up and walking to the couch. Michael nodded and got up and walked into the kitchen. "Maria honey. You don't have to leave. You're my daughter. I don't want to loose you. You're pregnant. It happened, but you and Michael love each other I have more faith in the two of you than I ever had in my relationship with your father. You two can do this. Move in with Michael, but come and visit often." 

Tears filled Maria's eyes and she nodded slightly before hugging Amy tightly.

  
The next day was spent with both Valenti boys helping Maria pack up some of her things and move them to Michael's. Amy contributed a few things, hoping to make things easier for them. Her daughter was 18. She fully supported any choices made.

The day after that was spent talking to the people closest to them. Telling them the news. Getting married, and having a child. Max lost it. Telling Michael and Maria how dangerous it was. But it really wasn't. No more than with anyone else's pregnancy. The baby was human. But no one else needed to know that. Liz had been sympathetic, Kyle was supportive, Isabel was silent. Maria could tell she wanted to say something, but she was keeping her mouth shut tight. "We're getting married next month. Whether you come or not doesn't matter. This is our child, and our lives. You don't approve, then get out." Slowly one by one they all left. Isabel was the last to go, staring at Maria with glassy eyes. Maria attempted to ask her what was wrong, but Isabel quickly left.

[b]Part Three[/b]

Two week passed of Michael and Maria living together. That's all it was. They lived together, shared a bed, Michael comforted her when she had nightmares. No one suspected that they weren't 'together.'

"How do you feel?" Michael asked softly as they lay in bed together.

"Okay I guess."

"Maria do you think maybe the baby could really be mine?" Maria shook her head.

"No. It's not."

"Positive?"

Tears burned her eyes and she nodded. "I'm positive. I got my period a few days later."

"Oh."

"You really want him to be yours don't you?"

"Of course I do. Well the whole baby factor freaks me out, but I wish he was mine."

"Me too." Maria whispered. They laid together in silence for a long time.

"Do you ever think of Antar?" Maria asked suddenly breaking the silence.

"All the time."

"You still want to go back?"

"It's not a possibility."

"But if it was would you?"

"I gave it up for a reason."

"Not a very good one."

"I stayed for you."

"I know and I didn't deserve that. You gave up something you had searched for your whole life, just because of me. So tell me, if you could. Would you?"

"I have you and the baby to take care of now."

"We don't need you." Maria saw the pained look on his face. "I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that if you found a way that we'd be okay. My mom did it. I think I can too."

"That's not going to happen."

"I want to help you find your way home."

"It'll never happen."

"Humor me."

"I can't just abandon you. For one your mother would kill me."

"I could tell her the truth."

"About the baby?"

"About you. Why you left she'd understand. She wouldn't hate you."

"Maria"

"Michael. I know you want to go home."

"Alright, you manage to find a way to Antar, and I'll go."

Maria settled herself back against his chest, content. She knew he wanted to go back. And she wanted to make him happy.

"I'm gonna go out of town for a few days." Michael said a short while later.

"No."

"Yes."

"Michael. I know exactly what you're planning and no."

"I'm going." Maria sighed softly.

"Don't get caught. We need you."

"I thought you said you didn't."

"Well I have to get married to someone so my child isn't illegitimate don't I?" She smiled faintly at him. "Just come back to us."

"I will." He said and then kissed her forehead softly.

  
Michael walked up to the DeLuca front door and knocked softly, waiting for Amy, or Maria to answer. He'd been gone for a week now, and his first night gone, Maria had called in the middle of the night crying after having another nightmare. He told her to stay with her mom until he came home.

Amy answered the door and smiled at Michael. "Glad you're back. Maria missed you. She's in her room, asleep I think. Go ahead and wake her up if you want."

"I want to talk to you first." Michael said looking at Amy. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. "I wanted to get her something special do you think she'll like it?"

Amy took the box and opened it and then let out a quiet gasp. It was a ring. A wedding ring. With a beautiful diamond embedded in the platinum band that was engraved with tiny roses and leaves. It had to have cost Michael a ton of money. "I'm sure she'll love it." Amy smiled at him. "It's beautiful. She's lucky to have you."

"You have no idea." Maria said drowsily from the entryway to the living room. "What did you get me?"

Amy handed the ring back to Michael, then Michael walked over and handed it to her. "Thought you deserved it." Maria opened it, and her mouth fell open. Obviously he didn't buy it like this. The pattern was too amazing.

"Thank you." She whispered and kissed the side of his mouth and hugged him tightly. She had nightmares every night, and she was glad Michael was home. He made them not as bad.

  
Maria sat on the edge of her bed wearing a simple wedding dress. Two pieces. A full white skirt, and a tight low cut bodice with lace spaghetti straps, that showed off her swollen belly well. Her hair was pinned up off her neck. They were getting married in the park in a few hours, and Amy had kicked Michael out of the house.

Maria wasn't sure who would show up. She hadn't talked to anyone that much, other than Kyle who was being really supportive of everything between her and Michael. Someone knocked on the door and Maria got up and pulled open her door. "Isabel. Hi." Maria stepped back to let her in.

"You look beautiful."

"Thanks." Maria smiled.

"I think pregnancy agrees with you."

"Thank you what's wrong Isabel? Every time I see you you look like you're going to cry."

"That's because every time I see you I want to cry." Isabel sat on the edge of Maria's bed and looked at her. "I was pregnant." Isabel paused, looking down at her hands before looking back up at Maria. "With Alex's child. Prom night in the park, he played his guitar for me, we made love, and I got pregnant. But I lost it." Tears rolled down Isabel's cheeks.

"Oh my god." Maria quickly sat beside her. "You never told anyone?"

"I wanted to pretend it never happenedI miss him so much, and with the way things are with JesseI just don't know what to do. I don't know how to be happy."

"I think I think you should leave just you and Jesse. Go someplace. Don't tell anyone where, and just be happy together."

Isabel nodded. "That's a good idea maybe me and him can talk and I can tell him you know." Maria nodded.

"But do me a favor?" Isabel nodded. "Stay for my wedding." And then she smiled.

"Of course."

[b]Part Four[/b]

Maria sat on the couch beside Michael, both wearing Michael's boxers and t-shirts, eating ice cream with Tabasco. "That's so gross Michael!" Maria laughed as he poured some Tabasco on his spoonful of ice cream.

"No it's not."

"Yes it is!" Michael held the spoon out for her.

"Eat it." He told her.

"No! Get that nasty stuff away from me!" She laughed at him shoving his shoulder.

"Please?" Michael pouted and Maria laughed and opened her mouth and he shoved the spoon inside.

"Okay, so it doesn't taste completely horrible." Maria giggled then snuggled back into his side and looked at the TV. "Michael? Did you ever imagine this? The two of us married and spending out honeymoon watching SNL reruns on comedy central and eating ice cream? You know instead of"

"Having sex?"

"Yeah."

"Not exactly how I pictured it, but it's okay."

"Are you sure?"

"You don't want to have sex we won't."

"I didn't just mean the sex Michael. I mean everything. All of this. Because I don't know if things will ever change between us. You're getting yourself in really deep."

"Are you saying you don't want this?"

"No. That's not what I'm saying." Maria turned to look at him. "I love you so much Michael, more than you could ever possibly know. I don't want you to do all of this just because you feel obligated or something."

"Maria. Shut up. I love you. That's why I'm doing this. Above all else we're friends, and I will always be there for you."

"Even when you go back to Antar?"

"I'm not going back. There is no way there other than the Granilith and it's gone now."

"I'll find away."

"Tryin to get rid of me DeLuca? Oh wait, Guerin." Michael smirked at her.

"No, I just know how much it meant to you and I want you to have that."

Michael sighed. He'd never go. He stayed because he loved her. He wanted to be with her, but she just wanted to push him away. He couldn't leave her. "Alright if it'll make you happy."

"No I want to make you happy." Michael kissed her forehead and nodded.

  
Maria sat in Isabel's living room with her, talking about their husbands while the husbands watched the kids. Isabel and Jesse had a one month old daughter named Alexandria, and Maria and Michael's son James was now five months old.

"If you could go to Antar would you?"

"No." Isabel said without hesitation. "I have Jesse, and Alex. I wouldn't give them up for anything. Why?"

"Because I found a way."

"What?!"

"I've been looking since Michael and I got married."

"Why?"

"To make Michael happy."

"You don't think he's happy? He has you and James, and he loves you both."

"We haven't slept together in over a year. Since before we got married."

"Why?" Isabel asked tilting her head to the side, genuinely confused. They looked so happy together.

"Because because James isn't even his."

"What?!" Isabel gasped in shock. "Does he know?!"

"Yeah. He knows. It was his idea to lie about it"

"Why?" Isabel asked softly. "Who's James' real father?"

"Billy."

"That friend of yours?"

"Not my friend anymore."

"What happened?"

Maria looked at Isabel, silently debating on telling her the truth. She just needed someone else to talk about. Michael was completely understanding of everything she said, but maybe Isabel would slap some sense into her. "When I was in New York." Maria took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Billy he he raped me."

"Oh my god."

"I only told Michael. He came and asked me if the baby was his, and I told him it wasn't told him everything, and he said that the baby was his. That we would tell everyone it was his."

"Ohh sweetie, can't you see. He loves you so much."

"I know. But he gave up his home for me, and I dumped him. I want him to be able to go home. So I found it"

"You're going to make him leave you and James?"

"I'm not making him leave. I know he wants to go."

"Did you talk to him about it?"

"A few times. He avoided it I think he just didn't want to make me feel bad."

"I think you should try talking to him about it again."

"I found the ship."

"How?!"

"I just did I'm going to take him out there tonight. If he's going to go, I want him to leave before James gets much older."

"Maria"

"I've gotta go." Maria said quickly and got up and walked out. She got to her car and drove home. An apartment with two bedrooms, so now James had his own room. "Michael?" Maria called walking inside. "Baby you home?"

"Shh." Michael said walking into the living room. "I just got James to sleep."

"I want to talk to you." Maria said looking at him.

"Oh this sounds bad. What did I do?" Maria smiled faintly.

"Nothing Michael, I just want to take you someplace tonight." Michael looked at her confused.

"Okay"

[b]Part Five[/b]

Maria was silent as they drove. James was left with Amy and every time Michael opened his mouth Maria shushed him.

They drove for at least an hour until Maria pulled the car to a stop. "Here it is."

"Here what is?"

"Your way home."

"What?"!

Maria climbed out of the car and Michael quickly followed. "Maria!" Michael demanded then froze at what he saw.

"S'bout time. Was freezin' my ass off." Ava said standing up and brushing the dust off the back of her tight skirt.

"What the hell is going on?!" Michael yelled.

"You remember Ava? She helped me."

"Helped you what?!" She was just talking, and saying nothing.

"Find this." Maria turned and Ava raised her hand and the illusion of rocks dissolved to the ground, revealing the Granilith.

"Here." Ava tossed a stone key to Maria. "Gotta jet.' She jogged down the rock pathway to a motorcycle where Rath was sitting on it. Ava climbed on behind him and they roared away.

"Tell me what is going on Maria." Michael crossed his arms over his chest. He was running out of patience.

"I found out there were two Graniliths. Both were hiding in the desert."

"They just agreed to help you?"

"Lonnie tried to off Rath. He found Ava, go figure they like each other, and I found Ava, she greed to help, and forced Rath to help too."

Michael was in awe. She went through all of this to find him a way home.

"So here you go." Maria held the key out to him. "Go home. Be happy."

"Maria stop it! Don't you get it?! I don't want to go anymore! I love you, and James. [I]You[/I] are my home! I will never leave you!" Michael held her face in his hands. "This," He pointed at the Granilith. "Is nothing compared to you, because you and James are my everything."

"You mean it?"

"Of course I do." And Maria smiled at him before wrapping her arms around his shoulders tightly. Michael's arms wrapped around her waist and held her close.

Then he heard a loud bang and Maria went limp in his arms. Michael looked up quickly and saw Billy in the distance holding a gun. Maria slowly slumped down to the ground, clutching the hole in her lower back.

"Maria?!" Michael tried to lift her back up but heard her cry out and quickly laid her back down. "Maria?" He said softer this time. "I'll be right back." He kissed her forehead before he ran down the short cliff and took off after Billy. Billy was jogging away, towards his car.

Michael grabbed Billy's arm and shoved him down to the ground. "Who the f-ck do you think you are?! What the last time I kicked your ass it wasn't enough!?" Michael slammed his fist into Billy's face. Right after Billy had raped Maria Michael had found him and beat him within an inch of his life. Leaving him alive only so he wouldn't go to jail for murder, but now, now he wanted him dead.

His fist slammed into Billy's face over and over. Michael was determined to kill him. He grabbed Billy's head in his hands and spun it quickly, snapping his neck. He stared for a few seconds longer before walking back to Maria.

"Maria? Baby?" Michael knelt beside her and pushed some hair from her face. Maria's eyes fluttered open.

"It hurts." She whispered holding the key out to him.

"No Maria. God I'm not going back. I have to stay here and take care of you and James." He held her against his chest, oblivious to the blood soaking through his clothes.

"You don't understand." She choked out. "The key go back time... fix it." He looked at her confused.

"What?"

"Just go!"

"I'm not leaving you!"

"But I'm leaving you." She whispered and her eyes went blank, and her chest stopped moving.

"Maria?! NO!" He shook her gently, but she was gone. Michael held her against his chest and rocked her back and forth. He lost her. What was she talking about? The key? Going back and fixing it? He picked up the key and looked at it before lifting her into his arms and carrying her into the Granilith chamber. He laid her down and slid the key into the hole. Instantly the room filled with a rainbow of color and the Granilith swirled with blues and purples.

[b]Part Six[/b]

Staring at it for a minute he lifted his hand and instantly was sucked inside. The next thing he knew he was standing in a hotel room. He heard a scream and instantly knew it was Maria's. Michael ran for the bathroom door and saw her fighting against Billy and screaming for help.

Ripping Billy off of Maria, Michael threw him to the ground. "Never touch her again." He slammed his fist into Billy's nose and then dragged him out of the hotel room and quickly locked the door before running back into the bathroom and finding Maria sitting on the floor of the shower crying quietly.

"Are you okay?" Michael knelt in front of her and she stared up at him, confusion written across her face.

"How how did you get in here? How did you know?!" Then she threw her arms around him and cried in his shoulder.

"Did he hurt you?"

"You didn't give him the chance." Pulling back a little Maria saw the blood on Michael's clothes. "Oh god Michael. What happened to you?!"

"You died."

"What?!"

"It's kind of a long story." Maria looked at him for a long minute before pulling back and tugging his shirt over his head.

"Tell me."

"II can't." He cupped her face and rubbed her cheeks. "You're alive. That's all I care about. You're alive."

"Michael you're scaring me." Maria touched his chest. Blood had soaked through and covered his skin. She quickly undid his pants and shoved them down his legs with his boxers. "Tell me what happened." She begged pulling him into the shower with her. The warm water was still running and she looked at him. He looked different though.

Michael kissed her hard, and willed her to see everything. Flashes flew past her eyes of the rape, of Michael finding her, their wedding, the honeymoon, James, the Granilith, herself dying in Michael's arms.

Maria jerked back and looked at him. "Oh my god." She threw her arms around him and kissed him passionately.

Michael pinned her back against the shower wall. A year and a half of pent up frustrations exploding to the surface at seeing her beautiful naked body dripping with water.

  
"Why haven't you disappeared?" Maria asked sitting up and straddling his waist.

"I don't know. It means things haven't changed."

"So he's still gonna rape me."

"No." Michael said quickly, reaching up to caress her cheek softly. "I won't let that happen to you again. I have to get rid of him."

"How?" Maria asked cautiously. 

"I don't know yet."

"Michael, promise me you'll be careful."

"Always.'

"Don't give me that. Because I know you."

"I'll figure something out." Maria sighed and pulled the blanket up around her back and leaned forward onto his chest.

  
The next morning Michael woke up and decided he knew what to do. With a soft kiss to Maria's forehead after tucking her in he walked out of the room. Michael made sure the door was locked before jogging down the street. He wasn't sure how he knew, but he did.

Michael walked up to the apartment and knocked hard on the door. It opened to reveal Ava wearing a tank top and panties. "Whadaya want?" She asked annoyed. Obviously he was interrupting something.

"Yo Ava! Get ya ass back here."

"I need to talk to you two." Michael pushed past Ava and walked inside. He saw Rath on the couch, wearing no shirt, with his pants undone.

"What the f-ck do you want!?"

"You to make sure a guy stays away from Maria."

"The rich dick?"

"No." Michael tossed a picture to Rath as Ava walked over and climbed up beside him. 

"He almost raped her he's gonna do something else. I know it."

"What's in it for me?" Ava punched his shoulder.

"No worries man. I got it taken care of." Ava smirked.

"Hmm my kink lil mind warper." Rath smirked before tangling his fingers in her hair and pulling her mouth to his. "Don't worry duke. We'll take care of him." Rath pulled Ava on top of him and kneaded her hips in his hands.

Michael walked out of the apartment and back to the hotel room. Walking inside he found Maria laying in bed awake.

"Come'ere." Maria held her hand out to Michael when he walked into the hotel room.

He paused watching her before walking over to her and climbing up beside her. Without saying a word Maria pulled his shirt over his head.

Michael laid her back on the bed slowly. "Does this mean you're going to take me back?" He asked brushing his fingers through her hair as he slipped inside of her.

"I will. I just need a little more time." Maria lifted her head and kissed him softly.

"Maria and Michael made love slowly, her fingers dug into his shoulders. She felt her orgasm over take her and Michael seemed to fade away until she was nothing.

Far off in the distance Ava leaned into Rath as they stared down at Billy's lifeless body after he 'committed suicide.'

  
Maria walked into the Crashdown. She'd spent another two weeks in New York after her night with Michael. Billy was found dead, jumped off the roof of a building. And she gave up her possible music career. It wasn't what she wanted anymore.

Maria pushed open the door into the backroom and peeked around the lockers. She saw Michael working the grill. "What if I told you I found a way for you to go home?"

He didn't even look up. "I'd tell you that New York fried your brain."

"I did though." She walked over and leaned against the entrance to the kitchen. "Found a way back to Antar."

"What's your point?" Michael finally looked at her. Something was different.

"Would you go?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I stayed for a reason."

"And that reason is?"

"I have work to do."

"I love you Michael." Michael dropped the burger he was flipping. "And I came back to you."

Michael pulled her into a hug and held her tightly. Maria giggled and hugged him back. "There's something else."

"What?"

"I'm pregnant."

"Amy is going to kill me." Maria nodded and he kissed her softly. "How about we make an honest woman out of you so maybe she'll spare my life."

  
Maria looked at Michael, dozing beside her while she watched SNL on TV and ate some mostly melted ice cream. They'd spent half the night making love, the other half explaining to Michael why he got flashes of the two of them in the shower in New York.

He took it surprisingly well after threatening to murder Billy until she told him it was already done.

Now they had their whole lives in front of them. And they were going to have a little baby boy, named James, after Michael's favorite author.  



End file.
